I have somewhat taken a vow of silence of late. I find that I am personally enchanted by quiet people. And when they have decided to talk or open up to me in the past, I have almost universally been disappointed. A few times I was highly impressed. And that really just adds to the mystique of the quiet person.
It’s not something I come by naturally. My family is loud. My wife values comedy in a spouse. But I have learned something, especially in my professional life, and it was a game changing revelation:
When I open my mouth, bad things happen.
Why? Probably because I’m not at all confident. I’m just not. I wish I were, but I can never ever shake the feeling that I could be wrong. I don’t want to be accused of lying or dishonesty so I equivocate everything with a “maybe” or “I believe so.” Doesn’t instill a lot of confidence.
Also I have the nasty habit of going to my boss and trying to convince him of things I’ve already told him, because I’m afraid he doesn’t believe me. I’m terrified someone will think I lied to them (even if I never have.) It’s a weird phobia I can’t shake.
In short I feel I need growth. I need to slow down and listen more than I speak. I need to imbibe large quantities of calm and peace.
I have been virtually non existent vocally at work for going on 3 weeks now and honestly, my stress level has decreased immensely.